Tuesday January 9 2001

A new year, and a new beginning! For this page, that is.

I have decided to make some minor changes...

The most important thing is that I won't write on this page on fixed times anymore. In the past few months I had some sort of standard time to work on this page, which was usually between 0.30 and 1.30; but the inspiration that I got, often started fading away around 0.20, as you may have noticed by the frequency of updates in the past few months... once again, sorry about that. So from now on, I will write on this page whenever I have inspiration and the possibility to write; and I will publish my updates usually around 1.15 AM, Central European Time (GMT +1 ; 9 hours later than in California).

That is the reason why I won't mention the time at the beginning and end of my entries anymore; it would just be confusing, because by the time I upload my updates, it might be the next day already.

At the top of my entries I will mention the date that I wrote it; and on the Index page (the first page AFTER the opening page) where I mention the most recent update(s), I will mention both the time while writing and the time while publishing.

Something I will try to change, is thinking about what other people find interesting. I will try to stop that. I will try to write purely for myself now, I mean as if no one would read it, which by the way was always my goal, but I let that goal slip away a little bit ; it happened too often that I decided not to do anything with my inspiration because I knew it wouldn't be interesting for you to read anyway.

Something I want to start doing as a habit, is publishing a 'Quote of the Week' , or quote of the day, or month, depending on how often I read interesting quotes. These quotes can be intelligent, funny, aggrevating, or just plain stupid... doesn't matter, as long as they are interesting enough for me to publish. By the way, 'Quote of the Week' doesn't have to mean that I read the quote in that week; I will also publish it if I saw it the week before; I'm not that strict. Also, I might paraphrase a little, if that makes the quote more straightforward or funny... under the condition that it will keep having the same essence. I had a quote already, but it's rather unfriendly towards American society (mentality), and I've decided to use less of those, because of the people I know in that country.

Also, maybe every once in a while I will mention a Person of the Week, Blooper of the Week, etc... whatever I think is worth mentioning (to me). About the Person of the Week; I will try not to make them soccer players every week. It's gonna be hard, but I think I can do it :o) Also they won't be friends or acquaintances of mine - those people are persons of every week, so I don't have to mention that here.

It speaks for itself that for every Thing of the Week I will give an explanation.

Well, I hope you'll enjoy your stay here - and a big THANK YOU to all the people who have kept visiting this page in the months of recession.

And about the Psychodiagnostic Examination I had a couple of months ago... I'm supposed to FINALLY get the results this Thursday, so I'm looking forward to it!

And finally....... I need your feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in my guestbook, or to my e-mail address! (posthuman49@hotmail.com)

Me

 

 

Monday January 15 2001

Here it is, the very first Quote of the Week (translated from Dutch):

“If you ask me about the most impressive book in history, I'll have to say Mein Kampf. That book has been important for world history. And besides, it's interesting to read a book by a mentally disturbed person."

By Giel Beelen, deejay, or actually host, of a show on Radio 3FM. He mentioned it in an interview about personal taste. What makes this quote so interesting, is not the quote itself; it's how people respond to it. For the record: Giel was talking about what he found the most *impressive* book. Not the best book, the book with the best philosophy, or the book that he uses as a guidance in how to live his life... he called it the most *impressive* book.

In case there are people wondering what Mein Kampf is; it's German for My Battle, and it's the book that Adolf Hitler wrote. I haven't read it, but I want to read it one day - or maybe a summary, 'cause it's said to be quite boring.

As I said, what makes this quote so interesting is how people respond to it. Giel got fired.

I read the bible, and I think it's impressive. Does that make me a christian? Does it mean that I litterally believe everything it says in there? Does it mean that I live my life according to the bible's rules? No. I read the bible because I love to read in it, and because I find it interesting. No religious conviction made me interested in it - Dennisse did that. You can think of that as religious too (Dennisse needed five months to do what my mother and the church couldn't do in fifteen years, which could seem rather suspicious... :-) ) , but that's a totally different story.

The bottom line is, reading the bible and finding it impressive doesn't make me a christian. Neither does reading Mein Kampf and finding it impressive make you a fascist.

It seems a lot more credible that Giel's employer needed a reason to fire him. A long time ago, I think it was somewhere in the past summer, I wrote something in my journal about what the pope had said about homosexuals. In this journal entry, I talked about what a guy had said in a radio show - as you can guess, this radio show was the one by Giel Beelen. Perhaps this hitting at the pope didn't make him quite popular with his employer, the KRO - Catholic (!) Radio-and-tv Broadcasting corporation.

Probably, some of Giel's other live actions, such as taking a psychedellic trip and getting a blowjob by a prostitute, didn't help either. This week's Quote was probably either the last straw, or the 'reason' that the KRO had been looking for to fire him.

Anyways, I thought it was a good Quote of the Week.

Some news... the results of my psychological test were pretty much things that I already knew; I start to feel very uncomfortable when around lots of people, which makes me quite withdrawn... I definitely need to be very careful with stress, 'cause too much stress might just cause a psychosis again. Yes, again - they (the Riagg) believe that what I had while I was a student at the university, was a psychosis. That's good actually - I mean, I guess this can only be helpful to me.

Also, behind the scenes I am still working on the renewed version of The Story Behind The Site, but it's a lot of work, so it will take a few more months. But in the mean while, I will keep updating my journal, and perhaps some other things too.

Moi

 

 

Thursday, 25-1-2000

I get the feeling that the riagg totally don't want to help me. My therapist was supposed to call me at Friday 12 January to schedule an appointment for him to talk to me and my parents, but he still hasn't called. I called the riagg a couple of times already, but everytime I call, my therapist has a day off, or he already went home, things like that. One time they left my phone number there for him to call me, but he never did. Maybe he never got the message. Well, I know I'm not exactly the nicest person to talk to, I mean I can get awefully shy with most people (luckily not all people :-) ). But I wish they would just say it. Also, I need them for things like social benefits... Everyone who gets unemployment benefits has to apply for jobs all the time, but people who are too sick to work don't have to, of course - they can get special social benefits. But in order to get that, you have to get a medical examination, and from what I have heard, the doctors who do these examinations are often like "what I don't see, doesn't exist." This week I read in the tv guide about a women who had had cancer, and now she only had 30% of the power and energy that she used to have, so she gets incredibly tired after doing the smallest things - but the medical examiner thought that she was perfectly able to handle any kind of job. So that's what I really need the riagg for - when I first applied for social benefits, I just gave the people at the town hall my therapist's card, and it got settled. If I wouldn't need the riagg so much, I guess I wouldn't have even tried to get them to keep in touch with me.

Another thing now. I never search actively for a quote of the week, or person of the week, or whatever... I never read the newspapers and other things with the intention to find something. I just see what crosses my path. And the past week (I think it was the past week) , I found a Person of the Week.

At first I thought it would be Laurent Kabila, and I was gonna say that dying was probably the best thing he has ever done for mankind, but to tell you the truth, it could be that I'm mixing people up - that's what you get when you give two countries the same name (Congo). Luckily, a short news message on teletext practically *begged* me to make a certain person the Person of the Week.

I don't even know his name, but that's not really important. He was 16 years old, and lived in Israel. He had contact with a girl on the internet, and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. Nothing special at first sight, but the thing is, he was Israelian, and she was a Palestine. And last week or the week before that, he went to visit her. He got killed by a rain of bullets in the soon-to-be-formed 'iron curtain.'

What kind of surprises me, is that no one -neither Israelians, nor Palestines, nor sane people, nor the media- seems to even attempt turning this guy into a martyr. Like that little Palestine kid who got killed in a crossfire a while ago. I think this guy deserves to become a martyr too. Not to Israel or Palestina in general, of course, 'cause that would undermine the whole idea about their intifada. But I really don't see why this guy isn't turned into a martyr for the sane world. For people who refuse to choose a side.

I don't really like the creation of martyrs, 'cause... well, to stay in this example; I don't need the death of one certain person to know that this intifada is ridiculous. But maybe some people do need it. So could someone please tell me the guy's name?

The end